I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how I tend to hold double standards when it comes to a guy that I like. Meaning that if he was to do something that if anyone else was to do, they would be *cut* and out of my life in the blink of an eye.. But for some reason, I'll always give out second and third chances to him, just in hopes that he'll change and thing's will get better..
It's stupid. And I know I should just be like "fuck that, and fuck him. I deserve better than what he's doing." But when it comes down to it, and I think that I might finally just give up on the idea of anything positive coming out of this 'relationship', and just moving on with my life... He comes back to me with an apology (that seems sincere, or maybe I just want to believe that it is..) and so I'll give in and give him another chance.
The scary thing is that I think when I do get to that fuck you stage, he realises that like with some kind of sixth sense and always manages to convince me that things are going to change, and be different and most importantly, be better.
Argh. This situation that I've gotten myself in for god knows how long, is such a stupidly hopeful and gullible move.. I just wish I could just tell my heart: quit it. move on. there are plenty more fish in the sea.. And actually take that advice seriously and do it.
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